Somehow This Suits Me

A thought went up my mind to-day
That I have had before,
But did not finish, -- some way back,
I could not fix the year,

Nor where it went, nor why it came
The second time to me,
Nor definitely what it was,
Have I the art to say.

But somewhere in my soul, I know
I 've met the thing before;
It just reminded me -- 't was all --
And came my way no more.

emily dickinson

My Secret Anticipation

Do you remember waiting to leave for vacation when you were a kid -- the excitement and expectation? The days before departure were long, indeed.

How about the anticipation of Christmas morning? Who could even sleep?

And have you ever envisioned opening night, playing the role you've dreamed of? Well, imagine with me for a moment. Excitement fills your every waking moment with inventions of how you will say a certain line, dance your choreography, and fill that stage with energy!

Today I wait in anticipation of a miracle; I believe God will raise someone up. We've asked, He's heard, He's given assurance to many, even a word of faith to people near and far. A great miracle is coming to shake, stir, embolden, and bring glory.

I have envisioned every possible scenario that my limited imagination can conjure. I have thought through the impact of such a wonder, dreamed of how it might be. I wake up in the morning and pray expectantly, filled with peace at waiting, undisturbed by bleak natural tidings, joyful in His faithfulness and goodness. After all, He is God, ruling over all things. And He is Father, I am daughter. And beyond that -- everything is created by Him, subject to Him. And nothing is too difficult. NOTHING!

So for today I continue to wait expectantly. If you catch me praying under my breath, smiling at my ponderings, and joyful at some inner secret, you now know why.

It's no secret any more!

A Cry From the Recesses

Heavy hot air settles in every nook and cranny. No escaping this heat around here. Hardly a breeze stirs the stifling air.

But in my spirit, in the deepest nooks and crannies of my soul, where stifling heaviness had settled for too, too long, a current is beginning to move. A renewing breath, a whisper of rejuvenation, a touch of refreshing.

I think a storm is brewing somewhere in the spiritual realm, a storm bringing rains -- drenching, soaking rains that will wash, restore, and bring forth life. Life-sustaining waters to saturate the driest soul, nourish the weakest heart, and imbue the spirit man with faith. Emboldening faith to move mountains.

Oh, God, come. Come. We need You now.

"Annie" Fun Begins

Well, it's past time.

Annie rehearsals will begin in mid-June. I had planned on being in fabulous shape by the time we start. You see, I will be playing Grace, Daddy Warbuck's personal secretary. And guess what? Grace dances!! She dances to fun music and song! And guess what? I haven't been diligent with dance in over 11 years! Yikes!

So as I said, it's past time.

I've been working out a few times every week for some time now (give or take a week now and then) but it's time to up the ante. One 20 minute work out will now increase to a 20 minute cardio-core workout followed by a 20 minute session for upper or lower body. Plus I will head to the CFC gym at least a couple times a week to do some good ol' fashioned tap along with jazz moves in my heels. That's also something I'm not quite accustomed to: high-heeled dance shoes. So, it's time to get a move on.

Well, maybe it's past time. But even so, look out Potsdam -- Grace is coming!

The Hour Glass

She wrote something like this:

When conception occurs, the hour glass is tipped.

Sands sifting, sifting. Piles reversing, one side is now full, soon the other. Particle follows particle, one after the other, ceaselessly, consistently slipping through.

My days sift, slip, and the bigger pile has already reversed sides. My tipped hour glass is in motion, sifting, softly gathering in the bottom.

I look on in wonder, sad but content in His love, not fully comprehending. The keeper of the hour glass, my hour glass, is revealed in love, but sorrow mixes none the less.

One day I will be free from slipping, sifting, soft sands.

Learning Lessons of War

Birthdays abound in our home during the month of May. May 10, 13, 18, and 28. So far we've not managed to celebrate a single one officially with the family. Little buddy had friends over for a bit of a party after church, but that has been it. So...

I guess we are too busy around here. Just plain too busy. But...

Some seasons demand such devotion to matters beyond the homefront. Consequently much must be sacrificed. For me and mine this is a time of intense battle. We've linked arms with others in this battle. When a soldier is thus engaged, he must set aside civilian entertainments. He is solely at the commander's beck and call. True, we busy ourselves with certain necessary daily duties. But our spare moments are filled with prayer meetings, personal prayer, time in the Word, letter writing, phone calls, discussions, more prayer, study of newly printed legislation, contacts with doctors, continued prayer, personal deliveries of important communiques to individuals in various towns , yet more prayer, and finally sleep.

Why? Hasn't God heard our initial prayer? Isn't it time to stand back and let Him do what He wants to do?

Complicated questions. Tangled situations. Schemes that are larger than imagined. The undoing of such schemes? How and when?

"Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?" And He answered him, "Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all."

This I know: God is looking to us, His people in this situation, to take our places, to arise in His strength... His tiny, little people - just little ol' us. And in spite of our insignificance in the enemy's eyes, in spite of demons who mock and jeer, God will help us overtake such enemies and "without fail recover all". His name will be glorified. I am certain of this. And I cling tenaciously -- with stubborn resolve -- to that certainty.

I am learning to summon strength in battle, about personal equipping with weaponry delivered to individuals by the Holy Ghost, to hold fast the sword put in my hand, about faith being released through Word of God, of the enemy's wicked attempts to undermine such faith. I see the need to recognize my enemy, to call him what he is, to hate him with a vengeance, and to desire his absolute destruction. He is wicked, vile, slimy, and despicable. He dares to taunt the people of God? He sneers at our little attempts? Such a wicked thing mocks my speaking of the Word of God?

Ha! We may be a rag-tag simplistic lot cast off by this world, but we belong to Him. Ha! These enemies will tremble. Ha! They will NOT have the last word. Our God reigns. He is our defense. And He will be our help.

Little David triumphed in his battle. He was little, insignificant, and rag-tag. His natural weapon was little, insignificant, and rag-tag, too. But David didn't win that battle. God did. David knew victory because God was with him.

We will know victory, too, for the very same reason. Watch and see what the Lord will do.

Pennies and Bandwagons

Some people barge into things without taking stock of the situation. Some sign up to buy without counting the cost. And some just haphazardly jump on the band wagon because it looks exciting or someone else is doing it. They don't think two minutes ahead let alone a week or month or year.

But every once in awhile you find someone who counts thoroughly, considers every possible outcome carefully, and checks to make sure every single penny is planned for before signing up. My husband is one such kind of guy. Decisions come slowly around our place.

For me, the decisive ready-to-go kind of gal, gaining a deep appreciation for a "think all things through" paradigm has at last come. I've grown extremely grateful for this man of God who loves me, leads my family, and shepherds a large congregation. We have all benefited immensely from his thoughtful care.

So trust me when I say, he is not a rash man. He is entering into the fray in a more public way than he is accustomed. This is not an arena he enjoys or takes to naturally. But he has counted the cost and found that every penny spent will be worth it. In taking stock of the situation he found a need to act, whether it bring public attention or not. In looking ahead he sees the possibilities of much good to many people.

So, get ready, folks. This quiet thoughtful man may be a mouth piece. The band wagon may be just his style this time around. But he's counted the cost -- every penny.

Sunday On the Porch With Friends

Six feminine type beings sit on the side porch making the most of this sunny Sunday afternoon. Three are busily searching phone books and online sites for addresses currently unknown. The names are, however, ascertained and verified. Another reads a biography, I believe, based on the photograph on the cover. On the love seat a homemaker fingers the catalog as she readies a list for a bulk food order. And here I sit, absorbing all of this, synthesizing into words for you, the reader.

Two more lady-types have just joined the bunch, young ones who have been resting and are now stirring themselves in preparation for evening events. And they just left, as quickly as they arrived. This rather quiet and unmoving group is not too interesting.

I have been referring to the porch crew as "the old ladies on the porch" in spite of the young age that many of them sport. Still, the activities shared qualify as "old ladies on the porch" endeavors, thereby entitling them a share in this title.

Soon the sun will fade, the addresses will be written out, a book will be closed until a revisit is accommodated, a finished list compiled for order time, and a blog written for you, my dear reader. And one by one we will slip away from this shared afternoon, off to other doings and places and people and demands, our pleasant shared moments relinquished to memory's keeping.

Sunday afternoons are far too short.

Setting My Sights

Colors.
Ukelele playing.
Hosta plants.
Fresh baked bread and egg salad.
Heartache.
These are all present in my day today.

Pursuit of an enemy.
Promise of overtaking.
Hope of reclaiming.
Resolute determination.
Faith. Victory.
These are the constants of my reality.

Thanks be to Christ Jesus. Forever!

Provision!

So my last post was a request for suggestions. I think not many of you have caught my move. Didn't get any help from you, at any rate. But now I need no ideas or recommendations because -- someone bought me a brand new GE double oven with a glass top stove! Wonderful!!

And the money that was given by an anonymous donor has been earmarked now for "Whatever you want to do with it!" So, now for some thoughts there. I think it will either purchase a new kitchen cupboard to hold all my pots and pans. Or buy some outdoor paint for the barn. Or house paint. That's all needed and a bit out of reach at the moment. So -- Hooray!!

Breads and Ovens

Here at 1942 the oven is used quite frequently. You may well imagine. But as of late it has been a bit dysfunctional. Why? My husband attributes it to the oven fire back in February. That may well be.

So. Simply put, it no longer cooperates. Bread comes out over-browned on top, gooey in the center. A chicken casserole was in for 2 hours recently and not yet warm in the middle. So much for the preheat light. Sometimes the element barely warms up, sometimes it takes 30 minutes. Never does it simply behave.

So. Someone of a very generous nature and heart heard of my predicament and anonymously sent a rather large amount of cash my way. Amazing but true. Is not the body of Christ a wondrous thing?

So. The hunt has begun for a new range. Talk of replacing the unused dishwasher with a cupboard has also been mentioned, which led to thoughts of creating space for a larger range. Or a total redo. But that's a slightly elaborate response to a non-working oven.

A double oven seems to be the standard recommendation for this large, bustling household. My kitchen is modest, but serves a crowd upon occasion.

So. Any recommendations of your own? I'm game for thoughts!

Daughters

I have been generously blessed with regard to daughters. Seven. Seven daughters. (Right about now I always hear Tevye saying, "Five. I have five daughters...)

But this weekend I have my extra daughter here, my Keila. A Guatemalan princess who lived with us in 2002-2003. She has belonged to us ever since -- well, we share her with her husband's family and her own, of course.

So for a couple of nights she was here with Elena, Adriana, and baby Ben. Oh -- and her husband, Ben Levendusky. They are wonderful folks! Love you, Keila!

This blog has moved

This blog is now located at http://darlenesinclair.blogspot.com/.
You will be automatically redirected in 30 seconds, or you may click here.

For feed subscribers, please update your feed subscriptions to
http://darlenesinclair.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default.