Sunday, November 01, 2020

Fall 2020 Notes

 A few thoughts from my fall thus far:

Covid-19 brings twists and turns to routine living, some welcome, some not. My natural proclivity towards laziness and homebody-ness is NOT benefitted by Covid-19 protocols. Even the simplest of outings seems monumental in effort. I can count on my hand the number of times I've been in a grocery store since this all began. (Well, slight exaggeration, but the number is nonetheless small. Too small, in fact. I've been lazy, sending my son in my stead too many times. Thank you, Merrick.)

On the other hand, my implacable desire to guide other people in making music forced me to find a new venue, my usual ventures in theater being curtailed (altogether eliminated would be a more accurate assessment). Therefore I dreamed and schemed a way to make music with some folks who are so inclined. Setting up an 8 week session of private coaching to culminate in a small recital, I currently have fifteen students participating in weekly lessons at my home. When we share the fruit of our labors in recital fashion we will be socially distanced with all solo singers 12' away from the audience. And in a private setting, mind you. Taking care to honor protocol and yet make music, mind you. This is perfection!

On another front, two years in and apartment living continues to bring delight and adjustment. I love this space! What a lovely way to do life, with numerous and generous windows creating such an open airy view! And easy to clean. (So why, I often ask myself, are the tables currently dusty and the games still out of place? Ah, another tribute to my lazy tendencies. Oh, wait, let me attribute such things to "other priorities". Ha!!!)

Simultaneously, I seem to miss the gardens. Or do I miss the energy I had to keep the gardens? I double check myself, knowing that it was a chore just to water my flower boxes outside the front door this summer. Something has changed. Is it my interests? My energy? Whatever it is, I settle into the awareness that this seems to be a time to refocus whatever energy it is I have in other directions. And so, I go with it.

We thought we would be traveling. But Covid. And I thought we would be writing and reading and studying. But Covid. 

Covid has limited and constrained. Covid has demanded and pressed us in new directions. As has age and aging.

And in it all, I trust Him to use our time, energy, talent, resourcefulness and creativity to serve Him today, here and now, in the midst of Covid and aging, national turmoil and strife, unsure routines, plans and the need to be flexible with plans. In it all and through it all He is building His kingdom. That is all I want to know. That is all I need to know. 

Finding Him. And being found by Him, our ever present Father.




Wednesday, September 02, 2020

Yielding Life to Him

 I was recently reading through past posts. Chuckling over some, dismissing others as neither charming nor insightful. 

And finding fresh inspiration in those revealing His faithful work in my life.

I'm realizing a theme, a life message if you will, and it is this: God, in His faithfulness to me, deals a death blow to my aberrant will and misguided desire time and time again until more and more of who I am becomes yielded to his Glorious Reign. 

There are the daily regular times of submission, of yielding, of honoring Him above myself -- the mundane choosing to share my toast with a little one, to wash the dishes one more time, to happily make a meal for the visitor. Take note: I speak as though these are trivial choices, mundane as they are. But do not be deceived, for indeed it is the exercise and practice of giving oneself to death in the small thing that enables you to take on that same cross in those times when it looms larger than life itself. For indeed, some of His requests loom very large indeed, and you sense that your very identity is at stake.

It is then that the shadow of that cross overwhelms. You run. You tremble with fear and anger, wrestling with self-will as you battle within against His will which seems contrary to your deepest identity. You want to hide from that shadow, but love for Him draws you relentlessly.   

At long last you bow before the cross, saying yes to Him, yielding your heart and your life. 

And it comes. The death blow is deep, cutting into the inner most part of your being. Intense pain crushes you. Ineffable anguish floods your being and you are lost, engulfed in transcendent agony.

In the yielding, you are somehow sensible of the surreal rendering asunder of your being as your heart is removed and lifted by the Spirit's hands; a scalpel cuts, removing the aberrant will, your very being, your identity. Deep, intense, crippling pain ensues. You bleed long as your very life is slowly drained away.

And there you lie. Lifeless. Broken. Useless it seems. The ache reverberates and throbs. It is beyond words. You are breathless and without any other feeling. 

But you have given yourself to Him. You are His. More His than ever before.

His life begins to flow in, restoring you. Fresh vitality is yours with a heart made new. His reign has taken its rightful place; His will in place your own. 

We must decrease. He must increase. Daily. Incrementally. And even to the very core of our beings. 

Our identity lost to His. Our life in exchange for divine life. 


Saturday, May 02, 2020

Share the Suffering

The Gospel of Peace. The Gospel of Reconciliation.

Who would have thought such a Gospel would bring suffering and division? Our carnal thinking says it wouldn't. Our natural inclination, when confronted with suffering because of the Gospel, is to assume we've done something wrong.

Certainly the enemy and the world all around us is happy to jump on that band wagon. It is a common cry and judgment amongst those who don't believe His Word. "This isn't love!" "You call yourself a Christian? Those words aren't loving!" "If this was truly God's plan it would not have resulted in such public outcry, in such strife. He is the bringer of peace, remember!"

As of late I've been reading through several of Paul's letters. Paul? Oh, let me clarify: the Apostle Paul, writer of much of the New Testament. Esteemed teacher and leader. The one who boldly declared (and through the Living Word declares still today), "Imitate me as I imitate Christ."

Share in the suffering, he says. I, Paul, am imprisoned. But don't be ashamed of me, rather be bold and look for God's strength so you yourself might face affliction for the sake of the Gospel. 

This is not the suffering of sickness, poverty, or sentimental disappointment, though those are all real enough. Paul is talking about persecution and affliction because of the Gospel.

It is true. This is the Gospel of Peace. But let's be clear. It is the Gospel of Peace with God. Once we have partnered in this covenant of peace and reconciliation with God, we become His --  His own people.

Simply put, those at enmity with God are now at enmity with us as well.

So let us hear Paul and wake up. There will be affliction and suffering for those who declare the truth of the Gospel. Stop dreaming and drinking the Kool-Aid. There is no Utopia and there will be no Utopian world culture. We will never evolve into sinless creatures. Ever. No matter how long this earth exists, man will always have sin. And sin is the basis of enmity with God. A covenant that removes sin allows us to be friends living in peace with God, but those who cling to sin remain in enmity.

Are we called to be peace makers? Yes. But can we make peace between the enemies of God and ourselves? We have only one means to do so: the preaching of the Gospel of Christ, the Prince of Peace. The outcome of that preaching is not in our hands. Through that preaching many others will enter into peace with God. With them we must learn to live in peace. But it is through that same preaching that we will find ourselves at enmity with those who cling to sin and are contrary to God. It is inevitable. The Word guarantees it to be so.

Again, let us hear Paul who wrote again and again, exhorting the church to share in the suffering he himself experienced.
So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don't be ashamed of me, either, even though I'm in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News. 1 Timothy 1:8

Sunday, April 12, 2020

Joy That Lasts

It's Easter today. A joyous day always.

Today that deep joy, the kind that anchors your soul, is my portion. It isn't readily felt; no giddiness, no somersaults, no sunny day happiness. But I search through the weightiness of a heavy heart, the blue feelings I am carrying to find it holding me steady, keeping me moored in the midst of this trying season.

Quarantine aside, it is a challenging season. Add a quarantine and one could feel pretty disoriented.

And I most certainly do,
But for abiding joy,
Joy that is the strength of my life.
I am kept, I am not moved.

Jesus Christ the risen Savior is my joy. Forevermore.


Tuesday, April 07, 2020

It Ain't Over Yet


My heart is aching a bit tonight. Life is oftentimes long and hard. Well, often enough at any rate, often enough.

How is it we can be so far along in years having had so much practice and still make the same mistakes we've made so many times before?

And how is it that we are still so readily undone by careless words, and even more, how is it we then recompence with harsh accusation, leaving our opposition floundering in a wake of bitter contention.

Human relationships require so much care, so much maintenance, so much effort. Spouses, children, siblings, friends, neighbors -- every single one, if you spend much time together, will bring you to a point of tension now and then. It appears to be confrontation with another person, but honestly, if we step back and look elsewhere, it is an opportunity to confront something even more personal, something deep within ourselves.

Ask Him to show you. He will help you understand. Whenever we respond poorly, there's something to be found. The list of possibilities is long:
Pride.
Bitterness.
Unforgiveness.
Self-centeredness masquerading as insecurity.
Unkindness.
Jealous envy.
Strife.
Oh, the list is long. Much longer even than that.

You may have been wronged. True enough. But this isn't about getting "even Steven" (and poor Steven, how did he get stuck in that saying?) This is an opportunity to discover something about yourself and your need for God's cleansing and empowerment. That other person in this equation matters, too. They have their own need for God. And you both will need to do some housekeeping, some maintenance, to get that relationship back on track. That is very true and must be tended to.

But first, take care of your stuff. Go to God and straighten it out. That confrontation was for you. A rough edge needs to be smoothed. A sin needs to come to light.

So here I am, learning afresh that it's not over till it's over. Even if you've been at it for years and years, the smoothing continues and stuff is still coming to the light. And that's good. His goodness.

Why? Because we are being conformed to His glorious image. And because we serve a faithful, loving Father who is accomplishing that very thing in us. That's why.