Wednesday, November 12, 2008

"'Fair' Is Not the Objective Of Life"

"But that's not fair!" came the cry from my youngest son. He was busily playing trains with his nephews; apparently they had the biggest engines, leaving him the small cars only.

Without hesitation, my practiced response was voiced. "'Fair' doesn't matter. If they have the big engine and you don't, use what you have. You can suggest they take a turn, but even if they don't, you can enjoy playing."

We never did the "fair" thing around here. It just wasn't something I could stomach. Something about it betrays an immaturity and smacks of a whimpering type of complaining. Yuck. No thanks. Not indulging them in that one.

First of all, it isn't reality and it never will be; as far as I can tell, it doesn't even need to be. In fact, Jesus seems to state that it won't be. "The poor will always be with you." He said it, not me. Implicit also in His parables and teaching is an understanding that we have differing talents, gifts, and abilities. He made us that way and we can learn to rejoice in our differences rather than try to even out every playing field.

So if I want to prepare them for life in the real world, they need to learn contentedness and thankfulness for what they have today. Seems to me the best way to do that is to do that -- starting with that small car right now!

Secondly, I cannot begin to micro-manage their world well enough to make sure that everything is always "fair". I cannot do it because I cannot be everywhere at all times. I am not omnipresent, omnipotent, omni-anything, so my efforts would be in vain. All that time and energy invested in protecting them from "unfairness" and injustice would be for naught. I cannot do it. Period. Who can? God can. But does He? No. Does He make sure that we all have the same size house, equal athletic abilities, comparable smarts, and matching singing voices? And the last time I checked the mirror, I did not look like Catherine Zeta Jones (yeah, I think she's the prettiest...)

I've learned that the choice is His. He can dole out what He wants when He wants to whomever He wants. And I don't get to whimper about it. Not if I want to please Him and live happily. Get over it and be content. His love is all that really matters, and there's plenty of that for everyone. That's fair enough!

So none of this "That's not fair!" stuff for me. That was one cry for help that never got much sympathy from this mom.

Yeah. Life can be tough in these here parts.


Blogger ChicoryChick said...

My mother used to always tell me that "Life is not fair"

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love your opinion/advice/suggestions how to work with some parenting questions. Do you have an email address I could contact you at? My email is
thank you!

2:46 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:08 PM  
Blogger mrsdmf72205 said...

Very insightful! Thanks for sharing!:-)

8:10 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

One of these days, if you have time, I would love to just sit down with you over coffee or tea and 'pick your brain' on various issues, mostly parenting. I love talking to you and find you to be truly insightful and I love that you remain planted in God's Word, while still being able to have fun and enjoy life. If you're ever up for that, let me know! :-)

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A very useful post. I remember my mum telling us that the only way she could make everything "fair" was if she never gave us anything or let as do anything.

3:21 PM  
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